Why “We Need to Talk” Feels Like a Threat: Hidden Anxiety of Neuro-divergent Communication

Written by Clodagh S. Higgins | Jun 24, 2025 3:52:49 PM

Let me tell you about the day I almost quit my job over a three-word Slack message.  

“We need to catch-up?”

My manager meant it innocently. But my ADHD brain? It launched into full threat mode. Heart pounding, palms sweating, I spent the next 45 minutes:  
- Rewriting my resume in my head  
- Replaying every mistake I’d made that month  
- Drafting apology emails for crimes I hadn’t committed  

Turns out? She just wanted to congratulate me on a client’s positive feedback.  

This wasn’t sensitivity. This was *neuro-divergent reality" and it’s why I now help organisations fix what I call  "Ambiguity Tax."  

Why Neuro-divergent Brains Pay Extra  

After my late ADHD diagnosis at 35 I realized:  

Most workplaces run on vague communication and neuro-divergent professionals pay the price.

We’re not being difficult when we:  
- Freeze at “Let’s circle back later”  
- Overprepare for “quick chats”  
- Misread tone in emails  

We’re navigating systems designed for linear thinkers in a world where 20% of high-potential employees are neuro-divergent.

What I Teach Teams (Because Trial-and-Error Cost Me Years)  

1. The “Why” Before the “When"  
Instead of:  
Can we talk at 3?

Try:  
Can we chat at 3? I’d love your input on the UX redesign—no prep needed!  

Why it works: My ADHD clients report a 70% drop in anxiety when context is provided upfront.  

2. Replace “Feedback” With “Future-building”  
The word “feedback” triggers rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) in many neuro-divergent pros. I coach leaders to frame it as:  
“Here’s what’s working + where we can grow”  

Real impact: A tech client saw a 40% increase in neuro-divergent employees volunteering for side projects after this shift.  

3. Normalize “Pause & Process"  
I teach teams to add this to meeting invites:  
Need time to reflect? Feel free to Slack thoughts afterward. 

ADHD brains often articulate ideas better after initial processing time.  

This Isn’t Coddling—It’s Competitive Advantage  

Teams see measurable results:  
- Faster conflict resolution  
- More innovative solutions from neuro-divergent staff  
- Reduction in “miscommunication” escalations  

Why? Because clarity is the ultimate performance enhancer for everyone.  

Let’s Build Teams Where Everyone Feels Worthy  

If you’re ready to:  
- Transform vague meetings into idea incubators  
- Stop losing neuro-divergent talent to avoidable anxiety  
- Harness the creativity your “over thinkers” have been hiding  

Let’s talk. - clodagh@growitgroup.com